Dear Anna,

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My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and we have a genuinely loving, solid relationship. The one real struggle is our sex life. This isn’t a case of the mythical “lesbian dead bed,” because we’ve never had a lot of sex. From the beginning, she’s had reasons for not being in the mood — weight gain, stress, life stuff. Intellectually, I know it’s not about me, but emotionally? Sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally.

When I try to bring it up — gently, I think — she gets defensive and says I’m pressuring her, which isn’t my intention at all. Right now, we have sex about three times a month. Often she focuses on getting me off, but then doesn’t want me to touch her afterward. It makes me feel like she’s doing it out of obligation, not desire. Sometimes we’ll be making out and just as things heat up, she’ll stop and suggest doing something else. I’ve started to feel anxious whenever we kiss, bracing for that moment when she pulls away.

What really messes with my head is that in previous relationships she had a lot of sex. She’s told me one relationship was mostly about sex and lacked emotional depth. Meanwhile, I’m spiraling — wondering what those women did differently, how they looked, what they wore. I’m normally a confident person, so this level of insecurity feels foreign and honestly humiliating.

I don’t want to break up. I want to respect her autonomy and her body. But this dynamic is starting to make me feel bad about myself and my own sexuality. Halp! — Looming Bed Distress

Dear LBD,

First: You’re not shallow, broken or secretly a monster for wanting to be wanted.

You don’t just miss orgasms. You miss mutuality. That electric feeling of someone reaching for you because they can’t help themselves. And right now, sex in your relationship sounds less like desire and more like a well-intentioned customer service exchange.

Let me also say upfront that three times a month is nothing to sneeze at. Plenty of happy couples land in that ballpark. But the frequency isn’t the real issue. The dynamic is. When she focuses on getting you off and then opts out of being touched, that doesn’t feel erotic to you — it feels managerial. Efficient. Obligatory.

But you don’t want duty. You want hunger.

Here’s where I’m going to gently pull you out of the comparison spiral. The fact that she had more sex in previous relationships does not mean those women were hotter, kinkier, thinner, louder or better at scissoring. Desire is contextual. Meaning we experience different versions of ourselves with different partners. Sometimes (most times?) what’s hot about purely high-sex relationships are the very things that make them unsustainable — they’re fueled by scarcity, emotional volatility and even anxiety.

(Yes, anxiety can be hot. Just look at “Bridgerton” — entire lives are ruined if the wrong person touches your wrist!)

Paradoxically, depth and safety — the very things we need for real intimacy — can cool that high-octane spark, especially after the honeymoon phase ends. That doesn’t make you inferior. It makes the dynamic different.

And in either case, it’s not a death knell. It only means long-term couples have to work a little harder to build back in the intensity they experienced in the early courtship phase.

But — and this matters — your anxiety when kissing her is not sustainable. When you start bracing for rejection during make outs, your nervous system is telling you something is off. Anticipated rejection erodes desire faster than almost anything. It turns intimacy into a test you’re waiting to fail.

It sounds like this topic now carries anxiety (the unsexy kind) for both of you. So timing matters. If you’ve been bringing this up in the wake of a rejected advance or mid-conflict, try moving the conversation to a neutral moment — when you’re both relaxed, fed and not half-undressed. Frame any and all future conversations about understanding, not outcome.

Because if simply talking about your sex life registers as “pressure,” then sex has become a loaded topic. And when something becomes untouchable, it becomes immovable.

So change the frame.

Instead of Why don’t we have more sex?, the conversation needs to become:

—What does sex mean to you right now?

—When does it feel connecting? When does it feel stressful?

—What shuts desire down for you? What ramps it up?

—Do you tend to feel spontaneous desire, or does it build after closeness and touch and flirting?

—Does sex feel like intimacy, performance, obligation, escape? All of the above?

Asking such questions makes the topic an investigation into meaning, not blame or failure.

Also, one experiment that can be surprisingly powerful is to take sex off the table entirely for an agreed-upon period of time. Not as punishment or avoidance. As a reset.

When sex (or orgasm as the goal) is temporarily removed, the pressure drops. And when the pressure drops, curiosity can sneak back in. Build in make out sessions that are explicitly not meant to “go anywhere.” Explore other forms of intimacy — mutual masturbation, extended touch, erotic massage, showering together, flirting without escalation. Let connection exist without the looming question of whether it will end in an O.

And if she genuinely doesn’t want to be touched during your trysts, you can even name that dynamic and make it consensually part of the erotic script. Power, when chosen and mutually understood, can be so hot. If she wants to give and you want to receive, own it deliberately rather than letting it feel like reluctant charity. Take your pleasure without apology — but only if it’s truly collaborative and not avoidant.

The key is intention. You’re not trying to trick her into wanting more sex. You’re trying to create a space where desire has room to breathe again.

And yes, one of the outcomes to these conversations might be that her baseline desire is simply lower than yours. Libido mismatch is real — and excessively common. Love does not magically equalize it or inject us with perpetual horniness. (I wish!)

If her authentic rhythm is three times a month and largely responsive, and yours requires more reciprocity and active wanting, that’s not a moral failure on either side. It’s a compatibility question. And one you’ll have to think hard about, if it’s not something you can accept long term.

You can respect her body and still advocate for your erotic needs. Those are not opposing values. You are allowed to say, kindly but clearly: “I don’t just want to get off. I want to feel desired by you. And lately, I don’t.”

Before that conversation, get specific with yourself. What would make you feel chosen? More initiation? More enthusiasm? More mutual touch? Clearer verbal desire? Know what you’re actually asking for.

If she can meet you in ongoing conversations — with curiosity instead of shutdown — there’s room to build something better. If she can’t engage without framing your needs as pressure, then the issue is bigger than sex. It’s about whether both of you are allowed to have needs in this relationship.

You don’t need to panic. And you definitely don’t need to compete with ghosts of girlfriends past. But you do need more honesty — from her and from yourself — and more collaboration about whether this sex life can evolve into something that feels mutual, alive and chosen.

___

(Anna Pulley is a syndicated Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your questions via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com, sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter or check out her books!)

https://www.chicagotribune.com/2026/03/07/ask-anna-sex/ 

This breaks my heart. Below are two messages I received recently, describing the compounding of grief and financial disaster in the wake of death of a loved one. So, today’s column is dedicated to all those who love their families yet let their own pride and stubbornness create this type of disaster.

First to arrive was this:

“A friend’s husband passed away. She had limited knowledge concerning his finances. What is the best way to find out if she is missing any bank accounts, stocks, bonds, broker accounts, etc in his name that she may not be aware of?”

For many years, I have offered my free Personal Financial Organizer form that you can print out to fill in all the information that would be needed by someone if you are not around. Names and numbers of advisers, investment account numbers and passwords, location, of will and other important documents, and even a list of credit cards and account numbers. The Financial Organizer link is in the top right corner of my website, TerrySavage.com.

But even more heartbreaking was this email (edited to delete personal details):

“I recently lost my husband. A very trying time. But to add insult to injury, I was not aware of the financial nightmares I would have to endure. I was not aware that one needs to be the ‘primary holder’ and not just an ‘authorized user’ on credit cards. As soon as Chase was informed of my husband’s death, every Chase credit card I used was declined. … I’m 75 years old and many people I’ve talked to about it are not aware of this.

“My problem still pending is with Ally, (which has) blocked me from access to my deceased husband’s account. This was his mistake because he forgot to put my name on it. However, I do have (his) will, which names me as representative to all his assets, and I have sent (Ally) all the documents they requested, including the death certificate and the copy of the will, which states my authority to have access to it. … Also we have a CD maturing March 23 this year worth over $100,000, to which I have no access.”

The moral of this story is that it does matter very much what type of estate plan you create! Banks follow rules. A will must go through probate, a complicated, lengthy legal process. A preferable option for many is a revocable living trust, which names each spouse (or adult child or trusted friend) as successor trustee, who automatically is empowered to act in case of the death or incapacity of the named trustee. Note: This only works if the bank account, brokerage account, or other asset is re-titled in the name of the revocable living trust!

To protect yourself from a financial nightmare if your spouse dies, let’s start with the basics:

—You need independent credit in your own name, not just as an “authorized user” on a spouse’s (or parent’s) card. Check your credit report at Equifax, Experian or TransUnion to see if you’ve built a separate credit record. If not, get a secured credit card — a Visa or Mastercard backed by your small deposit in a bank. Find a secured card at CreditCards.com.

—Now, while both spouses are alive and competent, fill out that Personal Financial Organizer from TerrySavage.com so you know where everything is in case of emergency.

—Make sure that your daily transaction bank accounts are titled with both names as “joint tenants with right of survivorship.” That allows you individual access to the money. But it is not the total solution to ownership, because if your spouse is incapacitated by a stroke, you don’t have complete freedom to sell property titled in joint name. That’s why major assets should be retitled into the name of your revocable living trust (see below).

—Demand that you be part of an estate planning process that starts immediately. Laws vary in each state, so you’ll need an attorney in your locality. Find one by either asking the local bank trust department, or go to www.search-attorneys.com.

—Insist that your attorney create a revocable living trust. Call it the “Smith Family Trust” with John and Mary Smith as co-trustees. Then make sure that title to all accounts is changed into the name of the trust (including your home). There is no cost or tax implication to this change, and it’s easy to do. In fact, I made a video explaining this process — titled “Terry Talks Wills, Trusts and Estate Planning” — which can be found in the video archive at TerrySavage.com.

—While you’re at it, get a healthcare power of attorney and a living will — the end-of-life instructions that no one wants to think about.

Do not procrastinate — and do not be bullied, either by your spouse or your attorney! Women live longer than men. So, the odds are that you will need these documents. And if you’re an individual alone, this advice is especially pertinent. You’ll need to name a successor trustee whom you trust to deal with these issues when you cannot do it yourself. (More on that in an upcoming column on finding a trustee you can trust.)

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Do the work now, while you can. The cost is irrelevant. There is no way to measure the emotional cost of dealing with what happens after a spouse dies and leaves financial arrangements in a mess. And that’s The Savage Truth.

(Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and the author of four best-selling books, including “The Savage Truth on Money.” Terry responds to questions on her blog at TerrySavage.com.)

https://www.chicagotribune.com/2026/03/07/terry-savage-avoid-the-heartbreak-of-inheriting-a-financial-mess/ 

Por SUSIE BLANN

KIEV, Ucrania (AP) — Al menos siete personas murieron y otras 10, entre ellas tres niños, resultaron heridas el sábado cuando un misil ruso impactó un edificio residencial de cinco plantas en Járkiv, la segunda ciudad más grande de Ucrania, informaron las autoridades.

El presidente Volodymyr Zelenskyy condenó el ataque y pidió una respuesta internacional. Según el mandatario, Rusia atacó Ucrania durante la noche con 29 misiles y 480 drones dirigidos contra instalaciones energéticas en Kiev y otras regiones centrales. Se reportaron daños en al menos otros siete puntos del país.

De acuerdo con los datos preliminares, las defensas antiaéreas derribaron 19 misiles y 453 aviones no tripulados, y se registraron impactos de 9 misiles y 26 drones en 22 lugares.

En Járkiv, en el noreste de Ucrania, los equipos de emergencias buscaban sobrevivientes entre los escombros.

En la región de Kiev se reportaron daños por escombros en tres distritos, indicaron las autoridades locales. En la región sureña de Odesa, se movilizó a 80 bomberos para ayudar a combatir grandes incendios en infraestructura tras un ataque con varios drones. El operador ferroviario estatal, Ukrzaliznytsia, dijo que los daños en la infraestructura ferroviaria obligaron a modificar varias rutas en el centro-oeste del país.

“Debe haber una respuesta de los socios a estos ataques salvajes contra la vida”, escribió Zelenskyy en la red social X. “Rusia no ha abandonado sus intentos de destruir la infraestructura residencial y crítica de Ucrania, y por lo tanto el apoyo debe continuar. Contamos con la colaboración activa de la Unión Europea para garantizar una mayor protección para nuestro pueblo. Estoy agradecido a todos los que ayudan a reforzar nuestra protección”.

Rusia ha disparado decenas de miles de drones Shahed, de diseño iraní, contra Ucrania desde que invadió a su vecino hace poco más de cuatro años. Además, ha iniciado la producción nacional a gran escala de estos dispositivos y golpeó a Ucrania con cientos de aviones no tripulados en una sola noche —más de los disparados durante algunos meses completos de 2024.

Irán ha respondido a los ataques conjuntos de Estados Unidos e Israel lanzando el mismo tipo de drones contra países de Oriente Medio.

Zelenskyy apuntó que recibió una solicitud de apoyo de Washington para defenderse de los drones iraníes en Oriente Medio y señaló que ordenó enviar equipos y expertos ucranianos.

La guerra en Oriente Medio ha desviado la atención internacional del mayor conflicto de Europa desde la Segunda Guerra Mundial y obligó a posponer una nueva ronda de conversaciones entre Rusia y Ucrania, mediadas por Estados Unidos, prevista para esta semana.

___

Esta historia fue traducida del inglés por un editor de AP con la ayuda de una herramienta de inteligencia artificial generativa.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/2026/03/07/al-menos-7-muertos-en-jrkiv-ucrania-tras-impacto-de-un-misil-ruso-en-edificio-residencial/ 

Por STEWART BELL

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) — Mercedes demostró su superioridad durante la clasificación para el Gran Premio de Australia de Fórmula 1, que inaugura la temporada el domingo.

George Russell consiguió el sábado la novena pole position de su carrera por delante de su compañero Kimi Antonelli. Ambos firmaron el 83er doblete de la escudería en la primera fila de la grilla de largada, y el primero desde el Gran Premio de Gran Bretaña de 2024.

Russell fue el más rápido en las tres sesiones de la clasificación eliminatoria y despejó por fin las dudas sobre el lugar que ocupa Mercedes en el nuevo orden jerárquico. El tiempo que le valió la pole —1 minuto y 18,518 segundos— fue casi ocho décimas más rápido que el del primer piloto ajeno a su equipo en la clasificación, el novato de Red Bull Isack Hadjar, quien completó el top 3.

“Fue un gran día; sabíamos que había mucho potencial en el auto, pero hasta que llegas a este primer sábado de la temporada, nunca lo sabes”, afirmó Russell. “Pero realmente esta tarde ha cobrado vida, especialmente cuando bajaron las temperaturas de la pista. Sabemos que tendemos a favorecer esas condiciones”.

Antonelli se mostró aliviado tras haber logrado meterse en la primera fila después de que un choque en la última práctica, a la salida de la curva dos, inició una carrera contra el reloj en el garaje de Mercedes para tener su monoplaza listo para la clasificación.

“Ha sido un día muy estresante. Lamentablemente, me fui contra el muro (en la FP3)”, dijo. “Pero los chicos (en el garaje) fueron los héroes hoy al poner el auto de vuelta en pista”.

Hadjar impresionó al clasificarse tercero en su debut con Red Bull, su mejor posición de salida hasta ahora.

“Lo único que puedo hacer es superarlos en la largada, pero ahora mismo son demasiado rápidos”, afirmó Hadjar acerca de Mercedes. “Quiero mantener mi posición y un segundo podio estaría genial”.

Ferrari mostró que está a la par de McLaren en cuanto a ritmo, con apenas una décima y media de diferencia entre los cuatro pilotos que saldrán justo por detrás de Hadjar: Charles Leclerc clasificó cuarto; Oscar Piastri, de McLaren, y Lando Norris, quinto y sexto respectivamente, y Lewis Hamilton, séptimo.

Racing Bulls dejó patentes sus avances durante el invierno con el neozelandés Liam Lawson octavo, por delante de su cotizado compañero de escudería, el novato Arvid Lindblad.

La gran sorpresa de la sesión llegó de la mano del tetracampeón mundial Max Verstappen, quien provocó banderas rojas en el Albert Park de Melbourne después de perder el control de su Red Bull al frenar para la curva uno en la primera mitad de la Q1 y terminar contra las barreras.

El holandés, que salió ileso del choque aunque molesto porque se le bloquearon los frenos, saldrá desde el final de la parrilla.

La Fórmula Uno inicia una nueva era esta temporada, con cambios sin precedentes en el chasis de los monoplazas y en la unidad de potencia, que ahora presentan un reparto de potencia de casi 50-50 entre el motor V6 turbo de 1,6 litros y la energía eléctrica recuperada de los frenos, algo que exige a los pilotos un estilo de conducción nuevo y, a menudo, contrario a su intuición.

___

Esta historia fue traducida del inglés por un editor de AP con la ayuda de una herramienta de inteligencia artificial generativa.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/2026/03/07/russell-y-antonelli-firman-doblete-de-mercedes-en-clasificacin-para-gp-de-australia-de-f1/ 

If you’re still making pancakes for your family like a short-order cook, I’ve got just the thing to make your morning routine a whole lot easier: a skillet pancake. Just pour the batter into a hot skillet, bake for about half an hour, then sit down to breakfast together. There’s simply no better way to do it!

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This step-by-step recipe will show you how to mix, bake, and serve a family-sized pancake that will rival any diner-style stack. Plus, I’ll share my expert tips on how to get the crispy brown-buttery crust and pillowy-light interior that makes this pancake so special. Here’s how to do it.

Skillet pancakes are easier, tastier and far more thrilling

Even if you’ve mastered the art of pancake making, it’s nearly impossible to serve freshly flipped pancakes to the entire table at once. Sure, there are ways to keep the flapjacks warm while you wait, but that first batch will inevitably lose its hot-off-the-griddle goodness. But if you swap the griddle for an oven-safe skillet, everyone — including the cook — can enjoy a steaming-hot pancake together.

When you’re making regular pancakes, there’s hardly a moment to gather the butter and warm the syrup. With a skillet pancake, you have plenty of time to grab everything you need, make some bacon, and pour yourself some coffee. And the skillet puts the “cake” in pancake, giving you buttery edges and a lofty center that you just can’t get on a griddle.

Tips for baking a skillet pancake

The batter for this pancake takes inspiration from one of my favorite pancake recipes: Kitchn’s Lofty Pancakes. It starts like most pancake recipes, by mixing the flour, sugar, and leaveners in one bowl. But things go a little differently with the wet ingredients.

Instead of adding whole eggs, you add just the yolks to the buttermilk mixture. Many pancake recipes that call for separating eggs have you whip the whites and then fold the fluffy mixture into the batter. This recipe is even easier — you simply fold the unbeaten egg whites into the batter, which gives the pancake a lofty texture with way less work.

To get the buttery, browned edges, I borrowed a technique from cast iron cornbread: preheating the skillet. Before you add the batter, swirl a knob of butter around the bottom and edges of the pan, which will keep the pancake from sticking and give you those toasty edges. Then pour in the batter and sprinkle the blueberries (or raspberries, or banana slices, or chocolate chips) on top. The juicy fruit will settle into the pancake as it rises in the oven.

Bake until the pancake puffs and the top is golden (it’s OK if it cracks slightly — those crispy crevices are great spots for the syrup to sneak in). Serve the pancake straight from the pan, slicing it into wedges and topping with butter, syrup, and more blueberries.

Skillet Pancake

Serves 4 to 6

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided

1 1/4 cups buttermilk

2 large eggs, separated

1 1/2 cups blueberries, plus more for serving

Maple syrup, for serving

1. Heat the oven and skillet to 375 F. Arrange a rack in the upper third of the oven and heat the oven to 375°F. Place a 10-inch cast iron skillet or oven-safe nonstick pan in the oven while it heats.

2. Mix the dry ingredients. Whisk 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, 2 tablespoons granulated sugar, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt together in a large bowl.

3. Melt the butter. Microwave 2 tablespoons unsalted butter in a separate smaller microwave-safe bowl or large measuring cup in 10-second bursts until melted, 30 to 40 seconds.

4. Mix wet ingredients. Add 1 1/4 cups buttermilk to the melted butter. Then separate two eggs, collecting the egg whites in the measuring cup used for the buttermilk. Add the egg yolks to the melted butter and whisk to combine.

5. Combine the wet and dry ingredients. Pour the buttermilk mixture into the flour mixture and stir with a spatula until most of the flour is moistened. Add the egg whites and fold in just until incorporated, but do not overmix.

6. Rest the batter. Set the batter aside for 10 minutes.

7. Melt the butter in the skillet. Cut the remaining 2 tablespoons unsalted butter into four pieces. Take the preheated skillet out of the oven and add the butter. Swirl the pan until the butter melts and coats the bottom and sides.

8. Add the batter to the pan. Transfer the pancake batter to the pan and spread into an even layer.

9. Top with blueberries. Sprinkle 1 1/2 cups blueberries evenly over the pancake batter.

10. Bake the pancake. Bake the pancake until puffed and golden brown, 25 to 30 minutes.

11. Serve the pancake. Cut into wedges and serve with maple syrup and more berries.

Recipe notes

Make ahead: Combine the dry ingredients in an airtight container and store at room temperature for up to three months.
Storage: Refrigerate leftovers in an airtight container for up to three days or freeze for up to two weeks.

(Patty Catalano is a food editor for TheKitchn.com, a nationally known blog for people who love food and home cooking. Submit any comments or questions to editorial@thekitchn.com.)

©2026 Apartment Therapy. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/2026/03/07/oven-baked-pancake/